'Told me to grow up': 17-year-old girl refuses to share late mother's cherished recipe notebook with her dad’s new wife, who demands using it to cook for their blended family, sparking family feud when dad pressures her to share it for 'bonding purposes'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Oct 20, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

It makes complete sense to desire keeping something sacred between yourself and a late parent. Something to remember them by, like a little secret between only the two of them. This is how we imagine this 17-year-old daughter feels about her late mother's cherished recipe book and all the moments they spent laughing in the kitchen together, covered in flour and wrapped in love. 

After her father remarries, this teen is caught in an exceptionally vulnerable position when her new and entitled stepmother demands access to her late mother's recipe book so that she can replicate the recipes for their new 'blended' family. She already despises her new stepmother, but the fact that she is demanding access to the one special thing between her and her mother is the poisonous cherry on top! The worst part is, instead of having her father defend her, he is instead pushing her to share the book, claiming that it will be a way for their 'new' family to bond. However, she refuses to bond by having this woman not only try to replicate the recipes, but by also trying to replicate her mother! So she stands firm on her decision! She will not allow this one sacred thing to be taken away from her by some less taste-ful version. 

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  • So this daughter demands that her stepmother find some new recipes to cook if she wants to impress her father with more than repetitive take-out orders…So does not feel that it's appropriate to let another woman use what belonged to her mother, telling her that if she was so serious about cooking, she could have found enough recipes online to fill ten recipe books, why does she need her mother's exact ones? 

  • Mother teacher her daughter how to cook eggs in the kitchen
    via vkstudioo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH because I won't let my dad's new wife take a look at my mom's recipe notebook?

    My mom loved cooking and she took down all her favorite recipes that she customized and put them into her own little cooking notebook.
    via Bonnizzie
  • She started it before she met my dad. Whenever she had time to actually cook she'd make one of those recipes and she kept collecting them.
    via Bonnizzie
  • She added her last recipe a month before she died. It was something special to her and before she died she gave it to me and said she wanted me to be able to make them and continue the love for cooking she had.
    via Bonnizzie
  • She already had me started because I (17F) used to cook with her all the time and getting those recipes was so special!
    via Bonnizzie
  • I cook using those recipes a little but I don't do a lot of cooking. Either dad gets takeout or I spend afternoons with another family member and eat with them.
    via Bonnizzie
  • My dad married again 18 months ago. I have a 7 month old half sister and now his wife's pregnant again.
    via Bonnizzie
  • She wanted to start cooking more and dad told her about mom's recipes. She was like oh that's so cool and asked him if she could see and he told her mom gave them to me.
    via Bonnizzie
  • Hand-written recipe book
    via gettyimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I didn't offer it to her and the topic dropped. But then a couple of weeks later she asked me if she could take a look at the notebook because she wants to start making family meals for all of us and I said no.
    via Bonnizzie
  • I told her to start her own recipes but I'm not sharing mom's with her. She told me it was crummy of me to keep them to myself and I should want to share with my family.
    via Bonnizzie
  • We don't really get along outside of this so it annoyed me that she asked and pushed in the first place.
    via Bonnizzie
  • It made us like each other less and then dad got involved because I didn't give in.
    via Bonnizzie
  • He told me it was no big deal and I could take it back after. He asked what the harm was and I asked what she needed those recipes for and why she couldn't find her own.
    via Bonnizzie
  • He said she knows how much cooking was a thing between me and mom and she wants to do that for my half siblings and wants us as a new family to have stuff like that to bond over.
    via Bonnizzie
  • I told him I wasn't bonding with his new wife or my half siblings over mom's recipes and he should help her find new recipes if she was serious about cooking.
    via Bonnizzie
  • A few days ago they told me to grow up and stop being selfish when I still didn't give in.
    via Bonnizzie
  • I don't want to share with this woman and I think it's weird to be so obsessed with recipes my mom found and altered instead of doing shit for herself.
    via Bonnizzie
  • АІТАН?
    via Bonnizzie
  • Serious father speaking to his teenage daughter
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • shammy_dammy Make sure it's in a place she can't get to it. And NTA
    via shammy_dammy
  • OP Bonnizzie They won't be getting it. I have it somewhere they won't find it and I check on it whenever I visit where it's at now.
    via Bonnizzie
  • springflowers68 NTA Tell her Google is free and there are so many recipes online she does not need your mom's.
    via springflowers68
  • OP Bonnizzie Apparently Google recipes just aren't it for her. There's nothing else she could find but the ones my mom collected. Nothing else works. Must be so tough to be so restricted.
    via Bonnizzie
  • SciFiEmma It's weird in a "want to replace your mom" kind of way. I find it a little insensitive.
    via SciFiEmma
  • OP Bonnizzie Maybe she does want to replace her for dad. My dad still gets takeout a lot so maybe she's insecure and wants to feed him like my mom did. Weird but that's for her to figure out with him and not with me via my mom's recipes.
    via Bonnizzie
  • Revolutionary Diet686 It was okay for her to ask at first. When you said no it should have ended there. Keep your book in a safe place locked up where nobody can get to it. She can start her own book of recipes to pass on. NTA
    via Revolutionary Diet686
  • OP Bonnizzie That was my suggestion too. Do her own research and figure out her own book of recipes. Leave my mom's alone.
    via Bonnizzie
  • TararaBoomDA INFO: How old are your dad and his new wife?
    via TararaBoomDA
  • OP Bonnizzie My dad's 46 and his wife is 38 or 39.
    via Bonnizzie

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family drama take out replicate cooking recipe-book mother refused recipe quality time remarry home-cooked-meal parenting step-mother family cooking-together Father
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